Meet Author E.P. Rose

Welcome one and all to this week's blog post. This week's feature is author E.P. Rose. We're certain you'll find the interview entertaining and interesting. 

But before we get started, we wanted to let you know about some new books that are hot off the press, published by JLB Creatives. Check out the carousel below to visit and discover these cool new paperbacks and ebooks.

And now, we present to you, our interview with

E.P. Rose

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Let’s say you’re thinking about going on a once in a life time vacation…how exciting! What are some of the places you’d consider, and what would you do while you’re there?

I find the thought of a once in a lifetime vacation, whatever the destination may be, incredibly depressing. And then what, when this once in a lifetime vacation is over? Is that it? All subsequent vacations will by definition disappoint, failing to measure up to this once in a lifetime one. I think the aim should be that one’s whole life is a once in a lifetime vacation. “What about work?” I hear you say. Well, yes, there is that. Mind you, I have been on more than one vacation that was much harder work than work. But the point I’m making is that life is an extraordinary adventure, and we should at least try to treat the whole thing as such, however hard that might be. It happens in your head. That’s the ultimate vacation destination – inside your own head.

A zealous fan approaches your book signing table and wants to know everything there is to know about writing a book…right now! There’s a long line of fans waiting, and you only have a few seconds…what one thing would tell them to encourage them to become a writer?

Thinking about writing is not writing. Wanting to be a writer is not writing. Reading other people’s writing is not writing. Only writing is writing. And if you write just five pages a week, which is less than a page a day, at the end of the year, you’ll have 260 pages – and there’s your first book. So, go home and get on with it. You’re keeping people waiting.

What book or books are you currently working on? Can we expect a new release soon?

I am currently working on a book inspired by a couple of years I spent  with Lionel Bart, writing his biography, which never quite happened, so we wrote a musical instead, but that never quite happened either, and then we became estranged, and then he died. It also involves a Mexican drug lord, not entirely dissimilar to one who lived along a Mexican beach, where I once spent some time. These two stories, the biography and the drug lord, combine and intertwine, and are turning into a novel entitled “Mee and I”, which should be finished some time next year. Possibly.

Time for dinner! No, no, no, we’re not cooking – we’re going out. So…where’s your favorite place to throw down some good food with friends and family? And even more so, what do you recommend from the menu?

Oh my goodness, I wish you hadn’t mentioned food. I am absolutely starving. My wife has two fantastic restaurants in London. How about this? Let’s have a martini and the first course in New York at the wonderful Union Square Café, where I absolutely love the Fried Calamari, with spicy anchovy mayonnaise. Then we can teleport to Kensington and Rebecca’s Michelin-starred Kitchen W8, where – I don’t know, it’s all pretty good – but, OK, I’m going to have the Caramelized Fillet and Raviolo of Pata Negra Pork. And for dessert? Let’s get the plane out and fly to Vienna for strudel. The Café Landtmann would be nice, where you can hobnob with the ghosts of Freud and Mahler and Marlene Dietrich.

What kind of animals, birds, or fish do you like best? Do you have any pets - how many do you have – and what are their names?

I have one labradoodle called Frank – and a cat called Wednesday. I have always had something of a soft spot for the Tasmanian devil.

Time for adventure! Your friends are heading out to go skydiving for the first time…are you going to join them or suggest a different adventure? If you go skydiving please elaborate, or if you suggest something else what would your favorite adventure be?

I personally know two people who died in skydiving accidents. I don’t know, it’s probably statistically a lot less dangerous than driving in a car, but I don’t think I could stop myself from trying to persuade any friend of mine from jumping out of a plane for fun. People do like adrenalin rushes though, don’t they? I’m not sure if I do. I took Frank for a walk earlier this morning, and the leaves have started to fall, and when I shuffled through them, my spirits soared – but that’s not really the same as leaping off the side of a mountain, or plunging into a pothole, which is my idea of a nightmare.

When I was a kid, I was infatuated with a book called Under the Red Sea by Hans and Lotte Hass and was desperate to be a scuba diver. Nowadays, just the thought of the mask makes me hyperventilate, and I get ear-ache under a depth of six feet. Personally, I consider writing to be an extreme sport – and the rare rush I get, when I’m on location in my head and the speed of physical writing is in synch with the story and it’s downhill ducking and diving and dancing all the way – well, you can’t beat it.

Forget about make-believe super powers…we’ll never have them – bummer, I know right? But good news…TRUE super powers come in different forms such as a great attitude, a wonderful personality, loving kindness, and other cool traits like those. Who’s the one super hero in your life, and what is their TRUE super power?

I’m going for Gandhi – fiercely intelligent, wonderfully eccentric, very funny, optimistic, loving, but above all: morally courageous. Do read his autobiography “The Story of My Experiments with Truth” and Louis Fischer’s excellent “Life of Mahatma Gandhi”. Here’s a couple of great Gandhi quotes to be getting on with: “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” And  “There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.” Oh, and this is a good one: “What do I think of Western Civilization? I think it would be a very good idea.”

Do you prefer writing the good guy’s dialogue or the villain’s? Give us an example of your amazing talent…write us a line of dialogue from your favorite good guy or villain.

Baddy: “Hey. You. Shut up. I’m doing the dialogue here.”

Goody: “Technically speaking, it’s not dialogue, if you don’t let anyone else say anything.”

Baddy: “See this gun? This gun I’m pointing at your stupid mouthy head? With this gun I can put the die in dialogue any time I choose.”

Soup or stew?

Stew.

Chocolate or vanilla?

Vanilla

Dogs or cats?

Dogs, but don’t tell Wednesday. She’d be upset.

Horses or cows?

I like ice-cream. Horses do not contribute to ice-cream.

Insects or reptiles?

Where would be without bees? In a wasteland.

Where would we be without snakes? Back in the Garden of  Eden.

The family wants to go camping. Are you going to join them or stay behind? If you stay behind what are you going to do? Are you going to go shopping and to the spa? Read a book? Sleep in a hammock? Please tell us…we’re curious and want to know just what you’re thinking about doing.

This is my position on camping. Jews don’t camp. We did our 40 years in the desert and that’s quite enough thank you very much. If you want to go camping, count me out. What will I be doing while you’re camping? I’ll be doing what I normally do, when you’re not camping. I’ll get up. I’ll have coffee. I’ll walk Frank. I’ll do some work. I’ll go for a swim. Have some lunch. Talk to my friends. And worry about all the awful things that could happen to you while you’re out there in the wilderness with only a thin layer of canvas between you and the predators and the perverts and the ghouls and the tornados and the ….. oh for goodness sake, why did you have to go camping? You’re ruining my day.

We all love stories – especially yours! Would you be willing to give the readers a synopsis of your current book?

Click here to check it out on Amazon

Well, of course. I can’t believe it’s taken you so long to get round to asking me. My current book is called The Conspiracy Kid. It’s in three parts: Fan Club, Hamburger and String.

Part 1. Fan Club. The Conspiracy Kid first appears in an Edwin Mars sonnet. If you read this sonnet you are automatically and irreversibly enrolled in The Conspiracy Kid Fan Club, whether you like it or not. And that’s what the book kicks off with, this sonnet, and it then goes on to tell the story of the earliest Conspiracy Kid Fan Club members. Whether this Fan Club is a new religion, a gimmick, a con, sheer nonsense or simple MacGuffin depends on who you are: Joe Claude, bereaved billionaire - Ewan Hoozarmi, artist – Muriel Cohen, chef - Walter Cornelius, werewolf …… Well, he’s not actually a werewolf, because, as we all know, werewolves don’t exist and this is not the twilight zone, but Walter thinks he’s a werewolf, which amounts to much the same thing – and goodness me, does he ever have reasonable cause? I think you’ll find that he does.

Part 2. Hamburger. Many of the characters in this story cross and come together in and about the opening of Red, White and Blues in Hammersmith, where Muriel Cohen cooks the best fictional hamburger you’ll never eat. I have spent a lot of my time in restaurants, opened a fair few over the years,  and I have to say , if people enjoy reading about Red, White and Blues as much as I enjoyed writing about it, then …….. what? Well, it’s very kind of you to say so.

And part 3, String – as in string-pulling, string theory and bog standard cotton two-ply string, miles and miles and miles of the stuff.

And that’s it - The Conspiracy Kid . It’s about the Fan Club. It’s about hamburgers and string. It’s about golf and grief. It’s about loss and laughter and love. You don’t have to be kiddish, but it helps. That’s the message.

Creativity. Where does yours come from? This is something writers are asked about much of the time.  Would you be so kind as to elaborate on where you get your ideas and what sparks your creativity?

Not sure. Boredom? In the sense that I reach of pitch of boredom that is so intense, I have to do something about it – and writing works for me. Having said that, I find that writing itself is a creative process. Writing generates ideas. And curiosity. A man walks into a bar. Oh yes? Who is he? What’s he doing there? What’s he about to do? Why should I be in the slightest bit interested? Well, because - you’re not going to believe this, but, see that woman with the leopard skin suitcase, sitting on the other side of the room ……..

Love and romance, paranormal, epic fantasy, sci-fi, mystery, thriller, drama, and the list goes on. Where do your books fall as far as genre and reading audience?

Funny grown-up literary fiction.

What are your favorite genres of books to read, and what are your favorite genres of books to write?

I read all sorts of books from Damon Runyon to Dostoyevsky, from Raymond Chandler to P.G.Wodehouse (both of whom, curiously, attended the same London school: Dulwich College), from Agatha Christie to Gustave Flaubert. And I like to write funny literary fiction for adults – as opposed, that is, to adult fiction. I mean, we’re not talking erotica here. Well, I would like to think that there is the odd not totally unerotic moment – but generally speaking the object of the exercise is to stimulate less tangible organs than those at which the erotic fiction writer tends to aim his or her quill.

Time to go to the movies! Out of all the ones you’ve seen, what’s your fav? And be sure to tell us why in case we haven’t seen it and would like to check it out.

Oh my God, how can I possibly choose ONE film? Ok, let’s do it like those things you get on Facebook, where you get a grid and you have to say which is the first word you see. (I, for some reason, always seem to see the word FUN.) I’m going to shut my eyes and the first film that comes into my mind is ………….. To Be Or Not To Be. Not the Mel Brookes remake, but the original 1942 Ernst Lubitsch version starring Jack Benny and Carole Lombard. It’s set in occupied Warsaw, where a troupe of actors use their questionable thespian powers to fool the Nazis.

It’s brilliant.

Social media has become a part of being an author. What are your 3 best tips of the trade for upcoming authors when it comes to building their social media platform?

1.      Be disciplined. Tweeting is not writing.

2.      Be disciplined. Facebook is not writing.

3.      Be disciplined. Pinning is not writing.

For the first time in your writing career someone recognizes you as their favorite author, in public. Would you panic? Smile and bask in the moment? Blush and walk away? Invite them for coffee and cupcakes? Scream? Run? Faint?

First of all, you have to make sure that the  party in question has not recently escaped from a lunatic asylum.

Do not invite the party in question for coffee and cupcakes.

If the party in question invites you for coffee and cupcakes, say thank you, but unfortunately you are on your way to a meeting with Harvey Weinstein and you’re already late. Then move swiftly away.

If this encounter occurs in the lobby of a salubrious hotel, say at the Carlyle, and your interlocutor invites you for a Gibson or two in Bemelman’s bar, well, that’s a different story…….

How do you deal with rejection when you submit an MS?

I sulk. I fume. I rage. I plot and plan revenge. For a day or two. Then I remember what Gandhi said: “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.” So I pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again.

As an author we all know we get those “stink-o” reviews that come through now and again. How do you handle a bad review when it hits?

Sulk. Fume. Rage. Revenge.

Gandhi: “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.”

Everyone’s entitled to his own opinion.

If you could cure something in this world, what would it be?

Salmon. I’m very fond of cured salmon.

What are your pet peeves – you know those little things that just drive you nuts?

Some parts of the river round here, Frank jumps in and he comes out wet. Other parts he jumps in and comes out coated in stinky mud – which is a total pain. That’s the principal peeve I have about my pet.

What is your favorite cake? Are you an icing freak?

I don’t like icing. You can have my icing. Does strudel count as cake?

Do you create and design your own book covers?

I did, but then I was persuaded not to, and I think that was a good call. I think the more people you can get involved in the process, the better. And I was spending hours doing something that takes a professional five minutes. And Lisa Kew’s designs for both Beyond the Valley of Sex and Shopping and for The Conspiracy Kid are terrific.

As a self-published author do you recommend having your novels professionally edited? Please give us some cool thoughts of why you chose the answer you did.

A professional editor is a very good idea. You really don’t know what you’ve written until someone else has read it. Apart from the fact that it is both fun and rewarding to argue the toss with someone who knows their onions, the editorial process is essential. A good editor will inspire you to give more of what works, to remove what doesn’t and, well, you have to be lucky though. It’s a tricky relationship, both collaborative and confrontational. It doesn’t always work.

To ebook or not to ebook – that is the question. What’s your take?

Ebooks are not going to go away. They represent a significant percentage of all books now. They are the way many many people like to read these days. Me? I read both, but as far as what I write, I honestly don’t care what it’s read upon, as long as it’s read – kindle, nook, paperback, hardback, scroll, papyrus, t-shirt, serialized on a cereal box – it doesn’t really matter.

Where can we find your book(s)?

Amazon US   Amazon UK

The book can also be ordered through any bookshop / ebook outlet.

Or you can buy a signed copy direct from the publisher: http://www.tablethirteenbooks.com/buy/  

FIND E.P.ROSE at these links:

WEBSITE OR BLOG ADDRESS: www.tablethirteenbooks.com

FACEBOOK PAGE: https://www.facebook.com/TABLETHIRTEEN

TWITTER HANDLE: @tweeteprose

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Thanks so much for stopping by. We certainly hope you enjoyed the interview.
Stop by next week to meet author Connie Smith.

Until then...stay casual, live life to the fullest, and have a piece of chocolate for me!

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